Originally when I created this substack I had this grandiose idea with all my allotted free time I was finally going to become that intellectual with a rich inner life (as the Times prescribes their users) that I had always wanted to be. I was going to write thesis’ on how the world worked in the shape of technological products and blow everyone’s minds with some lofty statement about how our lives intersected with tech that made it worth reading.
That being said all I have around are several drafts with half-formed statements and an anime screenshot or two. There ended up being several contradictory factors that limited me actually writing something 1. this urge for it to be meaningful and well polished and 2. the then chore of making something beautiful. By sharing this project I had inadvertently made the audience no longer myself, but the people subscribed. I wasn’t catering to my needs anymore, but to others, and a pressure to capture some vague universal sentiment. Then honestly it had become the same thought process I had when posting some life update to Instagram, a pressure to make something worth people’s time and think of me a certain way, a performance rather than a recording.
I have a lot of half-formed thoughts about online existence and what it means to craft our identity publicly but for now I think I’m going to end it with I figured out why I can’t bring myself to write. Perhaps instead of writing for the sake of crafting some kind of picture of myself or writing thinking about what people with think of it I should write for the sake of writing and nothing else.
I wanted to leave this update with a bouquet of links of things people have made that really resonated with me (to the point that they aren’t saved anywhere but my brain which is actually pretty impressive considering how much stuff I consume everyday):
https://thesoundof.love/ by Chia
the 100 year snowstorm by Jenni
UNDER A STAR CALLED SUN bitsy game by cecile richard
Leaves by Lloyd Schwartz, a classic
On morality, hero worship, and why judgement isn’t helpful by Tatiana Mac
this random ad my friend took a picture of and posted on her story and lowkey I thought it was really deep
Anyways I hope to accidentally make things that resonate like these did for me.
random life updates:
going to kernel mag launch in nyc tomorrow !!! literary arts magazines hold a very special place in my heart since high school
idk why I haven’t seen The Rehearsal yet but I really want to
talked to research professor about a thesis but ideas are still … festering … if anyone has interesting links please send them my way
have become a glasses gorl
will be in boston for hack mit bc why not xD