Earlier in October I went camping and even though there was actually a lot of signal I “went off the grid” and turned off my phone for roughly two days. I’ve always wondered what would happen when I went off the grid, would people worry about me? Not really1, rather, I found out I worried about other people.
You know in every Cal Newport book, he states the solution to focusing is some form of turning off your phone for thirty days and laying there only with your thoughts. However, after I turned off my phone, I did everything in my power to avoid thinking. In any free minute, I’d read the book I brought. When I wasn’t doing that, I was talking with my friends I went with. And when that was done, alone with my thoughts, I realized I was someone who worried a lot.
In the scientific process, there’s this idea that you can predict outcomes. Subconsciously, a part of me thought if I had followed this method, I could always figure out what came next. The research had already been done, the clues were already there, I just needed to retrace my steps. The map to the future I wanted had been there all along, hidden in between the thickets of anecdotal advice and situational outcomes.
Yet as I lay there, face frozen2 and bare to the stars that lay beyond the top of the tent, I realized that no matter how hard I thought, I would never be able to truly understand. We are a culmination of other people we’ve met, and those people have been shaped by countless others. The way our actions have interlocked into each other’s lives will always be beyond me, and with all the research I could possibly do, I would never fully grasp anyone in their entirety. It was a strange way to stop overthinking3, and with that, I went to sleep.
notes:
will be visiting sf nov 1-7 ✌
I am still cooking (metaphorically)4 and running (literally)5
shortbox comic fair was great as always
I finished drawing something this month (finally) after a long while of not
bc I had told everyone I knew that I was going off the grid
I did not pack enough
to accept the inevitability that we will make mistakes and have made mistakes. I also found out it is a lot easier to focus when you don’t check your phone every five seconds - who knew !
the next post will be an actual culmination of everything I’ve (tried) to make…
I really like running now but it’s going to get too cold..